Overwhelmed is the new bored. Seriously, when was the last time you were bored? Let me clarify that. When was the last time you were bored for any length of time?
“I haven’t been bored since the 90s,” someone told me this week and I agreed. At first, I presumed it was because that’s when I had my first child and it’s hard to be bored when you’re busy. Or is it? In fact, lots of things can keep you occupied while simultaneously boring your pants off. Things like housework. Or commuting. Doing your BAS. Or pushing swings.
Anyway, it’s not just parents who have replaced boredom with overwhelm. It’s an epidemic. I think boredom started dying in the 90s because that’s when mobile devices and technology began sucking the dull bits out of our lives and replacing them with…. endless distractions. There’s just no time to be bored anymore, no opportunity. We’re too busy with choice, with connectivity, with Facebook friends and Twitter followers and Linked-In requests and endless YouTube videos of cats and interesting articles to read and a billion photos and home movies sitting idle on our computers, taunting us.
We seem to have misplaced the pause button on the remote that controls our lives. For example, work is no longer contained by anything. Not geography, not time of day, not weekends, not even illness (have you noticed how sick days have now become – ‘I’ll work from home today’?). Same goes for our social lives. Staying home on Saturday night? Your friends can still find you via social media and your phone!
Mostly, all this suits me because I’ve always been someone who prefers constant distraction. I’ve never been one for contemplating my navel in a quiet room.
Even if I wanted to contemplate something, quiet rooms don’t exist in my house. Small children are averse to closed doors and the concept of solitude so we don’t even have rooms really. Just one giant communal space which includes bathrooms and a roving cast of family members and pets. If I’m ever alone, I substitute radio, TV, my laptop, iPhone or iPad so I’m always swimming in some kind of mentally stimulated soup.
Suddenly, every boring gap in our lives can be filled. Traffic lights, queues, walking to your car, waiting for a doctor’s appointment, riding the bus, even sitting on the loo is an opportunity to do something else (it’s astonishing how often you notice this in public toilets now, people having phone conversations in the next cubicle, I can only imagine how many more are using their phones silently).
I remember saying “I’m bored” often as a kid.
My own kids rarely say it and while I’d love to think it’s because they’re highly imaginative and content to play with sticks in the garden, I fear it’s because they’ve known how to work the iPad and the IQ since they were toddlers.
The boredom we experienced as kids just doesn’t exist anymore. There’s always something on a screen to distract children and for adults, our mobile devices serve the same purpose.
Almost every boring activity and idle moment can now be diverted with a sneaky peak at your phone. If boredom is an itch, that’s how we scratch it now, with our smartphones.
“Phones aren’t about making phone calls anymore,” agrees Genevieve Bell, The Director of Interactive and Experience Research at Intel. “Blackberries, iphones, androids, ipads, tablets…all mobile devices make this promise to us: you’ll never be bored. You’ll never be without something to do.”
Clearly, this is why I’m so wild about my mobile devices. Short concentration span. Low boredom threshold. And yet….
“It’s clear that we like to be stimulated, but our brain needs time to process the information,” cautions Bell. “Boredom is quite important, it’s a way of creating a space for creative thought.”
This is true. I’m often asked how I come up with ideas for this column and while I have no clue where they come from I can tell you WHEN they come: while I’m exercising or in the shower. Sometimes they also come when I’m driving, so long as I’m not checking my messages at traffic lights. When I’m feeding the distraction monster, my creativity ducks out to grab a latte.
To think creatively or solve problems, we need mental space, which is becoming the rarest of commodities.
Will future generations be less creative because their brains never get the thinking push that boredom forces on you?
I also wonder if this constant stimulation is actually making us MORE easily bored; that our tolerance for inactivity is whittling down to microseconds. Mine sure is. Am I the only one who finds it easier to be overwhelmed than bored?
“It’s harder to be bored than ever,” concurs Genevieve Bell, “but what are we so frightened of? The challenge is that it’s easy to live in a world where we are connected all the time. We should periodically turn these (mobile) devices off.” As someone who works for Intel, she’s obviously a fan of technology and its many benefits “But I worry that it means we won’t do enough thinking and we don’t get to spend enough time reflecting.”
Reflecting? What’s that? I have to find my phone.
When was the last time you were truly bored? Do you allow yourself to get bored?







Comments
118 Comments so far
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Is it possible to ever be just ‘whelmed’? We can be overwhelmed or underwhelmed so I’m wondering….
However. I do confess to being bored. Often. I have so much to choose from to distract myself with that I usually just end up doing …. nothing. Just pacing and restless and bored.
I have very set personal boundaries about work. It doesn’t happen on a weekend unless there is no way past it. I work in admin so this is pretty easy to do. I won’t discuss work out of hours if I’m at a social gathering – one boss tried to talk work with me at a colleague’s wedding! – and I don’t check my emails, even on my iPad.
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Mia, dont take this the wrong way, but I am bored with Mamma Mia. It pains me to say this because this blog was my favourite when you first started.
While there is more diverse content, it doesn’t grab me the way it use to when it was your voice, perhaps the diversity detracts from the personality.
Anyway, its been swell, if you ever start your own blog again I’ll be there.
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Haven’t been on here for ages, just wanted to say that I just saw your piece on the hero worship of Cadel Evans and I believe you are 100% right. Cadel’s victory was admirable and a level of athleticism that I cannot comprehend in any way whatsoever, but hero? No.
Your only lack of judgement was writing this article in Australia, where we love successful sportspeople and don’t give a damn about them once they don’t win anymore (see Lleyton Hewitt, the Socceroos). If anyone’s un-Australian, it’s Cadel. Lives in Sweden with a Swedish wife? I think that’s correct. Anyway, bravo for telling it like it is. Your mate Karl likes to get caught up in things that will make him sound Aussie and blokey (the idea of Richard Wilkins taking pride in anything other than his reflection is a novel concept to me). Don’t worry about the scorn, you’re the one in the media and being asked for your opinion on things, they are not.
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I don’t care what decade it is…
When you’re stuck in a doctor’s waiting room for 45 minutes with the September 2006 copy of New Idea, it stops being a case of bored/not bored.
The only way to maintain sanity is to look at the other waiting patients and play the guessing game: “what is your disease?”
My favourite guesses are pleurisy and gripe.
But, that could be because it’s *me* that’s stuck in the wrong decade. I am yet to get an iphone.
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When we were little and we complained to mum that we were bored she would always reply ‘Bored people are boring people’.
I like to be bored but sadly often more overwhelmed.
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Ha hilarious and poignant. I’m in bed w my partner. He’s watching tv while browsing eBay on the iPad and Ive got msic cranking through headphones while on my iPhone trying to block out the tv. Last night I couldn’t sleep, decided I wanted to learn Spanish, downloaded apps and started learning the basics in the middle of the night last night, in the car, on the train etc etc.
My head hurts, I’m overstimulated but also get this crazy high from it because if I I get bored (which sometimes happened at work until I told them to increase my workload) I get so listless!
Wat a crazy world we live in. I’m going to turn the music down (needs to stay on to block out the tv!), pick up my book and say goodnight to all the lovely mamamia ppl
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For some reason I always find saturday arvos boring. I am really busy exercising and racing around for most of the morning doing shopping and jobs etc and early arvo but it’s that time between the afternoon and evening (when I would usually be getting ready to go out that night) that I find rather dull. ps. I don’t have kids or a partner at present. I did find when I had a partner that I had no spare time at all to be bored, in fact I never had time to do my usual sat jobs.
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I agree it’s easy for kids to get bored when there’s nothing on tv, maybe they don’t know how to create their own fun as nowadays it’s all about TV, computer/PS3/Xbox/Wii and Facebook.
I was fortunate to grow up with a huge backyard (big grassy hill out the back, raised tree-covered haven out the front which was perfect for a make-believe fort), and a cul-de-sac full of kids. We played hide’n'seek using the whole street of houses and held magic shows for the parents. On rainy days we played board games, built large towns with blocks and lego and read books – our mother was always having to step over or around our architectural creations but she encouraged it and let us take up half the living room with a Smurf town that would sit there for 2 weeks.
We watched tv too of course and had a very snazzy video game system hooked up to our tv where you spent several minutes loading games through a tape recorder!, but the childhood I remember was a lot more imaginative and creative than the time I have seen my nephew and niece spending – where the emphasis is on PS3, TV, Facebook and computer games. I know for busy parents sometimes it is not as simple as unplugging the tv, but I hope that when I have kids I can also encourage them to be creative and create some fond memories to look back on like I have.
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This article made me realise just how little ‘down time’ I actually get!
Whenever I get a spare moment I’m on my iPad or my iPhone checking my email, checking my Facebook, texting or calling someone, surfing random crap on the Internet, or playing games. There’s always something to do.
I’ve had a stack of books I want to read on my bedside table for at least 6 months but have only read a couple of chapters of the top one because I usually bring my iPad to bed or I have my iPhone there and always end up just reading stuff online.
Reading this article made me really think about how much technology has taken over my life. Yesterday my partner and I decided to ban our smart phones, laptops, and the iPad from the bedroom. Last night I read before bed for an hour, and slept better than I have in a long time!
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Never bored- cant remember when I was. Isnt it only kids that are bored???? Far too much good stuff to do to ever be bored. And yes, I love technology and spend an inordinate amount of time on the internet, although not so much on my phone. I love google and many other sites (Mamma Mia anyone?). And I always said to my kids, if you learn to love to read you will never be bored. I think anyone who is bored, must be boring!!!
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I don’t use my phone to look at the internet. I don’t have an ipad. I find the internet totally boring and would rather be doing housework. I check my email when I have to, ignore facebook unless I have a message and I read the news or MM occasionally. I really don’t care about the inane chatter that used to be in everyone’s head, which now has a platform to be heard. Including my own now! Give me a book, my son, my housework, my job and my husband any day!
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I was just thinking this the other day that there is no time to be bored these days, although many of the things we have to do might be boring. While I have two iPhones with me at all times – one work, one personal, and my iPad with me a lot of the time too, I NEVER use them when I’m out with friends, except if it was an urgent call (which would be rare). One thing that absolutely infuriates me is the people that are constantly updating their Twitter/Facebook status with really inane stuff when you are catching up with them. I think that Facebook needs a “who cares” button in addition to the “like” button. The number one gripe I have is when people mention what I am doing or what I have done in their own tweets or status updates!!! I don mention this stuff myself and wish other people would stop doing this for me.
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This article reminds me of this one I read on Huffington Post back in May,
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/natasha-dern/why-do-we-fear-an-empty-mind_b_853551.html
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Spot on! I am wondering now if my phase of ‘feeling overwhelmed’ has coincided with the increase in access to internet social networking opportunities. BINGO. Checking email is compulsive, Facebook a daily necessity. Where did all my time go? I didn’t switch the computer on at all yesterday and finally made my kids that fairy garden I’d been wanting to create with them for ages. We all were outside, and it felt good. I read a chapter of a book (a real one, not on Kindle.) My tv has been broken for a month and I don’t miss it. Now excuse me while I go share this fab article on Facebook…
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I am so happy to read this post – I was just saying to my mum this morning that I cannot remember the last time I was bored! There is always sooooo much to do/watch/read/think about that I can’t even imagine sitting around wondering what to do with myself. And I think I was like that even before I had two kids to keep me extra busy…
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I don’t have a smart phone or Ipad and you know when i was last bored?A few days ago while having brunch witrh 2 friends who were both busy with their Iphones and werent engainging in conversation,i made an excuse to leave early
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I think that is just so rude. I have a friend who does this constantly and it drives me crazy the way she is always checking, checking checking that bloody phone. She is never ‘in the moment’. What does she think she is missing out on?
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I find it rather pathetic that people have to constantly check how popular they are. And if they’re missing out on anything. The scramble for phones as people leave the theatre is more than pathetic, specially as they have to stop to check so all those stacked up behind them are involved in this ridiculous process as well.
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I also have a friend who does this constantly – seriously right in the middle of a one-on-one conversation when it’s just the two of us. She has worked for a major IT company for years and on that basis, I expect her to know better. Unless said IT company really expects its technology to eschew actual social interactions?
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I can so relate to this. Unfortunately, I have lost a friendship all because of this same reason. A friend noticed I was becoming quiet and when she enquired as to why..I hesitated, then told her how I felt. I had spent a good portion of a day SHE had organised for us to go out, only to listen to her organising her life on her cell phone for most of the day.
She didn’t like the truth. And that, was that !
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I was visiting some friends overseas and was so pissed that they were constantly checking facebook and their phones. I was even thinking about leaving them early and going to visit my family instead!
It turned out they were organising the last stages of a surprise welcome party!! OMG was so glad I didn’t say anything, best friends ever <3
Generally though, that kind of thing pisses me off too. It's like their life isn't happening unless everyone can see every detail. I'm part of that generation (22), but restrict my social media life on purpose – it ISN'T everyone else's business!
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Urgh! I feel for you at that lunch Miss K!
We have some dear friends who visit us nearly every weekend with their kids but he (the husband/dad) always turns up with his iPhone AND iPad and just sits there them, looking things up the whole time. He does chat and show us (sometimes) what he is looking at, but I find it terribly rude and anti-social. It drives me mad!
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There are positives and negatives to everything – including progress.
The internet today is what the television was 50 years ago. I’m sure parents were fraught with worry that the children would no longer play outside with other kids in the neighbourhood, and the community would break down. There’s an element of truth to it – but it also brought information, entertainment, enlightenment… and a bloody good way to keep kids amused while you go to the toilet or have a shower.
Personally, I love television and I love the internet – but I don’t let them take over my life. As with everything, balance is the key.
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I don’t mind being bored. It reminds me that I should go and tick off some things on my list that I always complain I never get around to.
There is nothing better than on the days where I feel tired to find myself with a free hour or half an hour before I have to pick up Miss J from school that I decide I’m just going to sit down with a sandwich and watch some mindless crap on TV.
It just feels so good to stop everything running in my head and switch off. Almost as if I’ve stopped the world from turning. Then, when it’s time to move again, I do feel a little bit better about myself and everyone around me.
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There was an article on this subject in The Age last week week… about technolgoy, in particular smartphones becoming extensions of our minds. And how most people now don’t use their memories as much, because everything is at our fingertips… we can’t remember phone numbers anymore etc.
I think it’s true and that its BAD! Don’t get me wrong, I love my laptop, my iPhone etc but I really do feel overwhelmed with what it as my fingertips at times. The key is learning how to control it I guess. Also, I used to have a brilliant memory, truly great, and nowdays, it’s rubbish. Sure, a couple of pregnancies and the old ‘preggie brain’ probably didn’t help
but I really think I am not challenging my mind enough anymore.
I heard once that knitting and crosswords will keep a persons brain sharp as a tack – better get to basics I think!
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We might not use our memories as much for things that we no longer need them for, but our memories go on working, regardless. Knitting and crosswords keep your mind active, but they won’t prevent cognitive decline. They won’t help you get smarter than sitting and watching television and when you are using your phone you are constantly using the tool almost inseparable from your own memory as you make connection after connection and follow your own virtual trails, as well as those of others.
Without boredom, our minds might not make the creative internal connections they once might have in that quiet space. But they are making creative connections using all sorts of external information from others, from recorded sources, and from their own past activities. It’s a different kind of creativity but it’s still creativity. And there’s evidence that people are more creative, not less, when they have other people to bounce ideas and thoughts off of, and new and fresh sources of information that make new connections to what they have already learnt and thought and created themselves. That’s why cities are much more creative places than small villages. Except now, we can all be in vast cities, whenever we like, through the magic windows all around us.
These kinds of either/or questions are far too simplistic. Yes, we need time to quietly make new connections, to rest from making connections, to reflect on what we value most, rather than what the crowds around us are valuing. But at the same time, the vibrance and vitality of a million crowding thoughts from others, jostling with our own, is a real boost to creative thinking, and a way out of the various ruts we might find ourselves in. Maybe spending hours playing phone games, any kind of computer games, or mindlessly texting our friends instead of people-watching on the bus ride home, is narrowing our creativity, but the technology itself doesn’t have to be used that way. If we make sure we find out and share ways to reach out, rather than narrow down, then creativity can abound.
That said – children need time and space for their minds to develop, coping with a smaller number of ideas and people at a time. Too much screen time = too little time spent making connections between all the things they have taken in = frantic, confused, overwhelmed children. It’s up to adults to draw boundaries, refuse to let kids be easily “entertained” at every second with this stuff, and force them to learn to relate and take the world in first, before they do it through screens.
p.s. it’s not screens that are killing your memory – just tiredness, and too many other things to be circulating through your working memory about with babies and small children. These important thoughts just crowd out the ability to remember endless names and phone numbers that, after all, aren’t quite so vital as remembering how many poos the toddler’s done, or the zillion tiny things we keep track of when our chidlren are small
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Um…. I don’t really know how to process your response Anon.
Most of what you say doesn’t really even related to my post… like technology and creativity connection. I never even mentioned anything like that.
Also, there are many studies showing that knitting and crosswords DO in fact have a positive effect on the development and maintenance of the brain and it’s cognitive functioning. Many neuroscientists have researched this area and its benefits to our minds, particularly in the later years. I never claimed that these activities would ‘make us smarter’ as you said.
Lastly, I find it odd that you, someone who doesn’t know me at all, feels that you are able to tell me the reasons that my memory is not as sharp as it once was. As I am talking about ME, believe me, I can safely say that I do think that some of the technology we have today HAS played a part in my memory getting a bit sluggish. And for the record, I consider being able to remember people’s names a tad more important than ‘how many poos the toddler has done’. But hey, that’s just me. I’m a people person, and I like to remember names, rather than daily quantity of poop from small children.
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I play Scrabble with a friend overseas daily over the net. We haven’t seen each for ten years. We exchange witty dialogue between moves and challenge our brains, much fun and a double win! Keeping my mind sharp, well, trying to
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I get bored all the time. I feel like I’ve seen EVERYTHING on the internet, and my job is seriously unfulfilling. Consequently I’ve started reading books again. Best thing ever!
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I think it’s good for kids to be bored. We don’t have a lot of money, so we don’t have an Ipad, or a DS or blackberry. But I live in a reeeeallly small town where the kids are able to wander around all day playing with rocks and climbing trees and doing fun, whimsical stuff. I really feel that having to FIND and MAKE your own fun when you’re a kid, through imagination, improvisation and “whatever’s in mum’s cooking drawer” teaches them to amuse themselves and not rely on other people or other things to keep them entertained. My kids tell me they’re bored all the time. My response is always “Find something to do!!” and within about 15 minutes they’re making a car out of an old box, or they’re having a “wedding” where one of my boys is “marrying” his sister. I love seeing them entertain themselves; I think it gives them (and me) a lot more pleasure than just watching mindless television. They learn to problem solve, play together, and most importantly, let their imaginations run wild.
I need to be bored, too. Being a single parent, my day and night are consumed with looking after the kids. I need time to myself to sit and do nothing. My brain needs time to rest. If it doesn’t happen, I get overwhelmed. And when I’m overwhelmed I’m not being the mum I need to be.
I think in our own different ways, boredom gives both me and the kids our own little bit of freedom and space. In our house, boredom is a good thing!
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I think it sounds like your children are having a wonderful childhood, pity there’s not more of it. Maybe it’s a country thing, I live in the country where lots of us live on farms so our kids ‘toys’ are chooks, open spaces, mud, ponies and helping out. It’s amazing what children can create out of seemingly nothing!
In reference to your second paragraph, I hope you manage to have a really boring evening.
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Thanks ClaireC – I did have a lovely boring evening
I feel so blessed that my kids have this quiet little life in the country. We don’t live on a farm (we’re “townies” hehe) but a lot of our friends do, and most of the kids have to look after their own ponies, chooks etc. It’s a great way to learn responsibility at a very young age. I really believe that a childhood built on creating your own fun teaches kids about boundaries, risks and capabilities; that if you climb to the top of the tree, the view will be spectacular, but so will the fall if you take the wrong step….
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I live in the city and is soo fortunate to live where I do as my children play with all of the kids on the culdesac everyday, its so nice the community feel of having up to 9 kids all playing together running in and out of each others houses and knowing that they safe. All the adults get together and it’s amazing the feeling I get that is reminiscent of my childhood, they don’t play their d.s, wii’s they all scoot around or hop on their bikes or make up games its bliss.
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That’s so reassuring to hear that this still goes on in the city. I have friends who live in Melbourne and they barely let their child into their front garden as they are afraid someone will abduct them or they will wander off. Harper Monet, it sounds like you live in a really nice place.
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That is JUST what I wanted to say (but ran out of room for in the paper!) – boredom forces kids to be creative. I am envious of your kids’ childhood…!
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Aahhh great minds…tell that pesky paper you need TWO pages next week
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Mum would always say if you are complaining you’re bored, you’re not bored enough! Agree that boredom forces kids to be creative
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Mia, not everyone’s job is capable of seeping into every aspect of their life. Because not everyone is middle class and works in an office… people who are in unskilled and semi-skilled jobs can’t ‘work from home..’ it’s unfortunate that in writing about most of the areas that you do, you forget that not everyone is as privileged as yourself.
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I agree. I thought it was a rather naive viewpoint.
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Exactly. And not everyone can afford iPads and what have you for their kids so yes, they do play with sticks in the garden!
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I think that’s a bit harsh. She’s writing about what she knows – if Mia started writing about a lifestyle as different to her own as you’ve suggested, she’d probably be accused of being inauthentic. Isn’t the point of posts like this to encourage discussion and give voice to people with very different experiences to the one presented?
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Agree melinka, must have been commenting at the same time.
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It is her experience, Mia is writing about what she knows. Most opinon pieces on the whole will not relate to everyone who reads them, but sometimes bits of them do, whatever occupation you have whether it be a police officer or gardener or whatever will have felt overwhelmed at some point.
P.S. My husband is an electrician, not in an office, and he often “works from home” when sick.
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great minds..
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I don’t think Mia’s column was specifically meant to relate to work – more so outside of our jobs where we don’t have time to slow down or be bored because we are constantly distracted.
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Mia cannot and should not have to write to represent the lives of all of us, but she certainly has an ability to plug into significant growing trends, not always of the professional/privileged classes.
I have (ironically) caught myself pondering the same issue of late. I don’t have nannies but I am a SAHM with an iPhone/Pad and find much of my spare time (particularly middle of night breastfeeds) taken up with this media. I don’t get bored anymore ever, but instead worry that my constant mental distractions stop me from focusing on achieving some personal goals at the same time as relishing the on-hand stimulation!
Besides, although many folks don’t presently have a smartphone or iPad, the rate at which these things are selling reflect an inevitable trend that will soon represent the majority, so I think Mia’s comments are quite relevant or will soon be more so. Everybody here, representing ALL socio-economic groups, has seen blog-reading take up space in their lives (via whatever format you access) that years before was spent doing something else. So, enough Mia-bashing already!
Anyway I’m off to watch the next episode of The Kennedy’s series on my iPad…
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Very harsh anonymous…..
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I’m with you, Anon – harsh, presumptuous and inaccurate. I work with underprivileged teenagers (on welfare) who do nothing but piss about on their phones 24/7. They are never bored in the same way I or Mia was when we were kids, back in the pre-internet dinosaur age. I don’t think her point of view comes from a place of privilege.
On that note, I can’t stand it when people tear Mia down for being ‘privileged’. She’s not Paris Hilton, for goodness’ sake. She works her guts out. How would YOU like it if someone attempted to make you feel ashamed for being successful?
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@ Hmmmmmm….well said!
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Thanks Anonymous – that’s a fair point and I’m glad you made it. I was, of course, writing of my own experience and that of my own children.
But yes, there are others in different situations.
Always important to be reminded of that.
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As much as I love my FB, smart phone etc., I also love my quiet time, and am quite an accomplished navel gazer. I love to sit out on the deck and sip a cup of tea, sit still enough that the birds flit around and I might even watch the ducks waddle down the hill, hope for a wallaby sighting etc. Just do absolutely nothing.
It’s not boring, it’s contemplative, restorative.
Besides, as my Mother always said in response to our complaints of being bored, “Only boring people get bored: think of something to do”.
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I think perhaps you are my long lost sister as my own mum used to always say the exact same thing! The word bored was banned in my house, as if saying you were bored, was saying you were the devil child! In turn, I too have banished the word from my vocab and banned it from my house!
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Its not so much banned in my house but no-one is foolish enough to say it as when they do I can always come up with a solution for boredom. Your bored? well why dont you get in there and clean your room/unpack the dishwasher/pick up “toddlers” toys for me. I find by doing this suddenly they aren’t so bored anymore.
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I have recently begun yoga. I felt I needed the opportunity to zone out for awhile. Focus on me. Quiet those thoughts running around in my head.
I am a teacher, in an environment that takes a lot out of me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Even if I don’t bring work home I often find myself researching ideas/plans/resources on the net, so yoga is my quiet, peaceful time. I love it.
I read many books for pleasure, and always have. SO taht eats up a lot of time when otherwise I may have the potential to be bored.
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I too love Yoga and meditation, it is very hard to do – to stop the constant battering in our minds (whats shall i cook for dinner, who will pick up child from kinder, what should i wear to the party next weekend, why hasnt such a such called me back, must go the the dentist etc)
I feel like i am going mad sometimes, meditating saved my sanity – i love sitting quietly and concentrating on my breathing -in and out, my mind still wanders sometimes but i just gently remind it back to the breaths….
Life is crazy for us all, it makes sense to have some ‘bored’ time – healthy even
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I actually love those navel-gazing moments. I’ve always been the kind of person who can be quite content with thier own company, though I do love my friends and family dearly, solitude and quiet time away from everyone is equally important to retain my sanity.
Before Easter this year I went without the internet for three weeks. It was completely a conscious choice, and apart from a few moments of “I should Google that”, (which I resisted) I felt this incredible sense of peace.
It felt like so much white noise had been shut off from my life.
I found myself spending much more quality time with my daughter, and when my partner was talking to me at night I was actually listening to each word, not half listening while staring at Facebook at the same time.
I think the time away from the internet showed me I had been out of balance, and investing too much time in screens, and not real live people. I actually counted the other day, and out of my Facebook ‘friends’, I only see about one fifth of them in real life with any kind of regularity.
In short, yes, I allow myself to get bored. I honestly cherish it sometimes!
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Wow, 3 weeks no internet! I almost choked on my lunch when I read that… Am impressed! I dont think that I could manage 3 days let alone 3 weeks…
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Haha, I had withdrawals, trust me! After the first three days or so it was surprisingly easy most of the time
I figured I went 17 years before I even really used the internet, so three weeks would be doable!
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omg mia this column was such perfect timing for me! This just happened to me last night and it felt REALLY strange – very out of the comfort zone and not in a nice way. I was home alone sat night because everyone I know is out of town but I had to stay back since I’m a nurse and working over the long weekend. I was just sitting there watching sister act thinking my god this is sooo boring nothing enticing for me to stream on the net, didn’t want to finish off my new graduate homework from the hospital … really didn’t know what to do. I actually had the scary thought that this boredom is what possesses people (teenagers) to do those stupid, reckless things. Basically because you’re just frustrated. The light flicked on in the boredom though – so you’re right! I had a clarifying moment where I realised I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life and decided that in 2 years I WILL be in melb studying post graduate medicine because no way am I going to feel sorry for myself on sat nights alone. – sorry for the ramble … it makes sense in my head!
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Best be a GP then my dear! And even GP’s end up with a lot of outside-business-hours commitments. I think being a doctor may be wonderful for you, but it’s not just nurses staffing hospitals over long weekends and public holidays. And they work worse hours and stay later after shifts than us! at least as a nurse you can roster long weekends…..
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This really hit home for me. Earlier today I declined to go somewhere because doing so would entail sitting beside a pool for an hour while waiting for someone. To me, this was too boring because my phone and laptop are currently out of action. I figured that if I had to sit still for that long, I may as well do it at home where my computer is so that I could get some work done. It made me realise that I really strive to fill in every spare moment with some technology, so that I’m never just sitting ‘idle’. The idea of just waiting seemed so foreign to me. It’s made me think, why not give myself a chance to become bored? The mental space is probably a good thing, but in our day and age having the time to become bored is both shameful and unthinkable.
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Oh you sound like my sister! Last year she was given a massage voucher from her boss and she absolutely hated it (I think it was for an hour) because she could only lie there and not be doing something at the same time! Take the time, I say. There’s nothing shameful about having some zone-out time to just think and simply be
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I think boredom is a kid thing, because kids don’t have many worries. When we get to adulthood there is always something we should be doing or planning or worrying about. But I like being busy and always having something to do. What is the fun in being bored? There is a difference between being BORED and being RELAXED. Relaxation is just doing whatever interests you or makes you feel good about yourself. Boredom is when you’re twitchy and dull and.. bored. Booo to boredom!
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I think kids have many worries, some more than others. They may not seem like a big deal to adults but they are a big deal to the kid.
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I remember being so bored as a child, on the weekends, mainly Sundays. I grew up in a rural area. Our three-hour school holiday treks to Ballarat were the epitome of boring. I remember having a black texta & a scrapbook to keep me entertained for the drive – I used to write down all the number plates of nearby cars!
I remember writing a long list of things to do that I would consult every time I felt bored. Letter writing was one of those things, I enjoyed writing and reading letters from international pen pals as a child.
When
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It’s funny the things you come up with as a kid to put off boredom. That number plate thing is funny! I remember my mate and I typing (on my Mum’s manual ribbon typewriter) word for word articles from our Encyclopedia, I’m not quite sure for what purpose – just to avoid boredom, I think. I think we were pretending we were in the publishing biz. 10yo or so. Funny… Some of the games we dreamt up were hilarious, in retrospect. I hop my kids don’t miss that opportunity, but I think there’s no way their childhood will look anything like mine did.
I’m interested in this idea mentioned above of unplugging for a period of time, and for my kids as well…it’s very easy to get lost in the digital vortex and forget to connect to one another through sustained dialogue…
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you just brought back so many memories for me regarding the typewriter! when i was about 8 or 9 my parents bought me a typewriter (with a ribbon!) and i used to retype my Ginger Megs books as ‘screenplays’! how crazy is that?! i had big aspirations to be involved with the theatre.
yes i agree, we all need to see the value in switching off from the outside world and technology at times. my children are only young but i fully intend to enforce the use of computer/ipad in the kitchen/lounge areas only, no surfing in the bedrooms out of my sight.
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Too funny! Good memories though, hey?
I agree re: kids accessing technology in full view. My two are only 3 and 2mths old, but no computers etc in bedrooms until they’re …hmmm, much older! I’m not sure when, somewhere between 16 & 18 depending on the maturity and openness of the individual I guess…
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I was bored but then luckily you posted this.
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I find people who say they are bored, boring. Infact, I loathe walking into a room full of people looking bored. Especially when we have to converse.
The boring almost (waiting room like) deliveries send me into an anxious state. How am I to deal with this. I know, I’ll just ramble on and overtalk, waaay too fast, trying to cover up the awkward silences and going nowhere conversations with something acutely similar to someone with a chronic case of ADHD, simultaneously aware that I am boring (scaring) the pants of my fellow boring mentalists.
Win Win situation, but one I would rather not be championing as a successful outcome !
Much more dignified to social ‘medialise’. At least, if your eyes begin to
)
glaze no one is offended and your self esteem (and theirs) stays in tact with the slide of a finger, tap of a key or push of a button.
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As a teacher, when a child would tell me they were bored, or this is boring, I would reply “Only boring people get bored…”
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Possibly not the most enlightening point to make to a child..I think more to the point is to encourage them to become interested and interesting people.
If I am in the presence of shy, dull, or insecure people I ask a lot of open ended questions about themselves and most often, I find an interesting person with an interesting viewpoint on something.
You just have to make the effort, but these days it is getting more difficult to connect with people. Everyone is so ‘busy’ social medialising !
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I teach high school English.
When a student says to me “This book is boring”, “poetry’s boring”, “writing newspaper articles is boring” “school’s boring” etc etc etc I will say that to them. I don’t say it in isolation, I try to make my lessons fun and interesting, but sometimes you still have to put in the hard work. Which is boring, apparently. I also let them know-that’s life sometimes. Even fun jobs have the boring bits that you have to do.
I don’t say it to a young child, who is developing their self image. It often makes my high school students pause and think for a moment. Why am I finding it boring? Am I actually finding it oring, or is it something else?
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I teach high school English as well, and one thing that always bothers me is that when I assign a topic, if students can’t IMMEDIATELY think of something to write about, they insist “I don’t have anything to say.” They have no concept of actually sitting quiet and alone with their own thoughts for a few minutes. (They also don’t want to do the work of thinking, but that is a whole other problem).
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So true, it’s the non thinking lazy attitude that annoys me and (bores) me..heheh
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Great post Mia.
I’ve been thinking this very same thought of late – just started a new contract and am loving taking public transport for the first time in years, I’ve take a book – and even finished one – but I just cannot seem to sit and do nothing?! And this was entirely what I was looking forward to doing. I’m either Facebooking, texting the bloke or reading the news online. I have my iphone in my pocket even in my jammies. My 12 and 6 year olds are almost always on the notebook or ipod touch, but I do however encourage them to do crafts at least once a week. And they enjoy it, luckily.
About the only time I ever find myself bored is when the kids arent in the house. I will make a more conscious effort to savour it next time, I think.
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What is craft and how do you do it? Does it make a mess? Is it like clag and sequins?
Maybe I should be doing it?
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Today is the first day in a very long time that I don’t have to be anywhere or do anything. No rugby (thank God they changed that from Sunday mornings!), no extra kids staying over and no kids to collect from somewhere else, no work deadlines [that I care to worry about this weekend]. No urgent need to go grocery shopping because there’s not enough time during the week and we’re too far from civilisation to get home delivery. No racing to get the washing done so one of us an head out of town on work business this week and the other has enough school uniforms to keep the kids smelling fresh!
Aaahhh, bliss. I even slept in till 8am (a first in a long time), albeit with Miss 8yo checking to see if I was still asleep about every 10 minutes from 6am! (I will admit I did check the iPhone for emails/FB when I first woke at 6 though!).
Thanks Mia for once again so clearly articulating what we all feel! I might go find a nice recipe and bake a cake because today I feel like not being overwhelmed!
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Hmmm, the last time I was bored was the Easter long, long, long weekend. Every avenue of distraction was taken away from me and it was the only thing that allowed me to sit down and actually do some of my own writing.
Bit sad really when the only time I can write for myself is when everyone is away from Twitter, I’m on my second day of a break, the house is cleaned, friends have been met with, grocery shopping done…and so on and so forth.
It doesn’t happen much!
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The last time I was bored was last night at my niece’s 2 HOUR Confirmation/First Communion service *searching for John-James’s Atheism post*
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Ha! I did my confirmation…in Year 7! But I was excited because I got to taste the Communion wafer…
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And how surprised/shocked/disappointed were you that it tastes just like plain old ice-cream cones!? Haha
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Blimey, you must have been REALLY bored to want to read that!
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We’re planning a driving holiday over Christmas, Adelaide-Melbourne-Sydney-Brisbane. Lots of stuff to do along the way, but our kids are 5,8 and 10 so I admit to certain degree of, how do I say it? Excitement and um, blood-curdling dread? Everyone I talk to says, ‘As long as you’ve got an on-board DVD player/iPad/DS for each child, you’ll be fine.’ But I’m tempted to make this trip the old-fashioned way, with nothing but games of ‘I Spy’ and ‘I went fishing and I took …’ to get us from rest-area to scenic point. If each kid is absorbed in a different game of Fruit Ninja, I’m not sure I see the point. I remember family driving holidays with fondness but maybe I’ve blocked out the awful kilometres? Should we attempt this trip technology-free? I know one thing, if we do being without my devices be as tough for me as the kids.
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Resist the temptation!!! We live in rural Australia and our kids are used to driving hours to get places and we’ve never used electronic devices (other than Aussie Bites Audio books on the CD player…..my husband and I know them word for word).
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Totally agree Claire! We are 850km from Darwin (closest ‘reasonable’ shopping) and 1050km from Broome (closest family). We do regular weekend trips in both directions and flatly refuse to put a DVD in the car. “I spy” becomes monotonous and if I ever hear “I went shopping and bought a…” again it will be too soon, but it is really important family time. We have to be able to have some screen-free time in our lives.
I write this as the kids are fighting over lounge space while watching The Simpsons and I am staring at a screen. At least hubby is in the garden doing something useful…
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Good on you Deb74, you are MUCH further from civilisation than we are and if you can manage without electronic devices then anyone can I reckon.
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There’s no real martyrdom going on Claire! We don’t use the toys for entertainment in the car (other than plugging in the iPod to indoctrinate the kids with 80s music) but we still have them. Too many, in fact. I would love to say we could live without the technology, but we can’t!
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Sorry, I just meant a technology free car. Technology can make living in the country areas much more bearable and in some cases possible. My husband has always worked for city based companies but the wonders of technology have enabled him to be based in our local town which keeps our money local, our kids in local schools etc so we love technology in our house!
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The most high-tech toy that makes it into our car is a magna-doodle – pure gold! And the pen is still attached with a string so you don’t have to keep fishing around on the floor for it
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I remember those car trips. I was lucky, I was in the back rear facing seats of the Volvo. By myself. No one to elbow me or annoy me by ‘looking out MY window’. If the children don’t have devices, please make sure you do. Yes, I do believe in the parental double standard. Sometimes.
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I have fond memories of the audio books on CD too. We had this collection of Oscar Wilde short stories which the whole family loved.
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Well I have to admit it…. We bought a portable DVD player for the kids so that it could be put in the car for long trips and removed for day to day driving and I LOVE it!!! more than the kids!!! I cannot encourage them to get those headphones on quick enough as we reverse out the drive!! Yes, I know its terrible, but hubby and I quickly discovered an unexpected surprise when we bought said player. We bought it (amid much guilt) to relieve ourselves of the complaining and endless kids CD and realized to our sheer delight, that this wonderful machine actually meant that we could have a conversation. In the car. Without interruptions. Talk. It. Was. Amazing!!! So now, no guilt. We have tonnes of opportunity for ‘family time’ (which Iove and often crave) when we get to our destination. But it happens that I do enjoy talking to my hubby just as much. I love it! We both do….
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Im with you! We put off buying DVD players for the car because I do think car travel is a great time for family talk. But…we travel Bris – Sydney a few times a year and I got so sick of fights etc so bought a player a few years ago. Now we have a few hours of games followed by a movie. It amazing to have that time to talk to my husband. We eat as a family every night so we have a lot of family time but its not often that my husband and I have time to talk without any distractions.
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And isn’t the point of travel to see the world around you? And maybe even talk to your family? =8)
Once we’ve exhausted I Spy and Spotto we end up making up our own games, often word games. We’ve also got a collaborative drawing game we play that requires more creativity than skill. I also try and use our driving time to expose the kids to music from their parents time, i.e. 80′s/90′s!
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My parents used driving time to expose us to their music – which is one of my less pleasing family holiday memories. There are a number of Neil Diamond songs that even now have me feeling carsick during the opening bars. Cracklin’ Rosie get on board ….
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The in car DVD player makes my girl car sick:-( she’s normally a great little traveller, but both times we used it she was sick. Never again.
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My parents exposed us to their music on our many car trips, amazingly I am still a huge fan of The Carpenters & Peter Allen!!
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Our long 12 hour trips back to teach in the bush after School Hols meant our 5 y o daughter grew to love ABBA and John Denver!! “take me home country roads” anyone???
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Oh, yes, go technology free for sure. We put our kids in the back seat for a family holiday from Melbourne to Surfers a few years ago. All they had were trays with paper and textas. I had bought them some puzzle books as well but it was the paper & textas that got the workout. And some of the drawings they did! I still have them today. Lizards, trees, the desert. Don’t succumb to the pressure. Get your kids away from technology for a few hours. You won’t believe the conversations you’ll have as well. Also, the THOUGHT of all that driving with children is worse than the actual trip. Don’t worry.
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I think it’s really important for children to be bored sometimes. Children’s lives are so over organised these days with sport and after school activities (even before they reach school they can have a very full calendar!). My eight year old does one after school activity per week. The other afternoons she comes home and just mucks around in the garden or her room. I think this sort of activity is very underestimated in children’s lives these days. Being bored is part of life and children have to learn how to deal with it, either find something to do or just sit there are be bored – there’s no harm in either.
For adults it’s considered unacceptable to being anything other than frantically busy, it’s seen a a terrible admission of laziness to admit to being bored or not having much to do. No wonder people feel the need to over organise their kids too. If you’re not racing from one activity to the next you must be a bad parent in the eyes of some.
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Hi Claire they have done research into unstructured play and the enormous benefits for children, so the mucking around is very important! My son does swimming lessons once a week and the rest is unstructured.
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I saw a wonderful doco on ABC (maybe SBS) earlier this year about structured and unstructured play – all the experts were saying that children need more unstructured play time than they are getting. It’s a pity that lots of parents these days see chidren playing as them wasting time.
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i might do a thesis on this.
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I think there’s a bit of confusion between kids feeling ‘bored’ and kids being ‘disengaged’. The first can be a positive thing, the latter, disastrous.
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“For adults it’s considered unacceptable to being anything other than frantically busy, it’s seen a a terrible admission of laziness to admit to being bored or not having much to do. No wonder people feel the need to over organise their kids too. If you’re not racing from one activity to the next you must be a bad parent in the eyes of some.”
I agree, I think much of people’s (especially parents) busyness is manufactured. To prove how into their kids’ lives they are, how rich they are to be able to have their kids in expensive activities every arvo and half the weekend. Don’t VOLUNTARILY sign your kids and yourselves up for stuff then whinge about it!
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Technology has offered loads of opportunities to our lives. It’s our own responsibility to marshall the borders of what is and is not acceptable. It also involves telling yourself what’s ok.
Every shopping expedition does not have to be a mission – it’s ok to window shop.
Unless it’s your actual terms of work, you do not have to answer the mobile phone out of hours – it’s ok. Nor do you have to take work home.
You can live without facebook and I find it to be a richer experience. I don’t care how ratfaced my bestie was on the weekend unless she wants to tell me herself.
You are not your children’s ultimate plaything. It’s ok to have time for yourself.
It’s a fight though. I fight all the time to keep my life to an enjoyable pace.
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The point you’ve made about kids, creativity and boredom is one I often think of. I read somewhere that the only thing we know about the future our kids will be working in is that we really have no idea what it will be like and the best thing we can do to prepare them for it is to develop their imagination and creativity because they will be skills essential for navigating a world we can’t yet imagine ourselves.
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I actually really enjoy being ‘bored’. I take great enjoyment at the shops, with the baby asleep in the stroller, when I drink a coffee and just watch the people go by. With 2 small children, quiet time is severely restricted, so I like to take advantage of it when I can.
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I notice that with the kids I teach that they are reluctant to spend any great length of time thinking.
I’m not sure whether this is because they come from thegeneration where everything is instant, but they give up really quickly and expect to have the answers delivered instantly to their brains, rather than actually having to think.
I still get bored on occasion.
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I admit it, I’m a little bored. I’ve had six weeks off – my first baby is due next week. I’m now too big to really want to leave the house much, too uncomfortable to do anything at all. I’ve watched a hundred movies, read every book I’ve wanted to read, washed and re-washed every bit of baby clothing in the house. The nursery is ready, the dishes are done and I’m so sick of playing with my iPhone.
So, yes, I am a little bored now…
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I don’t want to come across as all I’m-a-parent-so-I-know-best, but OMG enjoy it!!! It won’t be long before you rarely get a microsecond to yourself (some days anyway!), so lap it up now and sleep and enjoy the sound of your own thoughts
Good luck with your bubby
PS – sorry, I hope that doesn’t come across as all bitter, I mean it in a nice way
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I was bored too. I really looked forward to midwife clinic days and stuff! I’ve been bored since coming home too. Probably cop it from some mothering quarters, but god it gets dull sometimes! Babies don’t actually DO a whole lot!
Good luck, Lily!
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Ha Kris, I think I’ll feel exactly like this too, apart from when I’m too tired to move!
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I think that’s why I’ve found it a bit boring, actually, Nicky. I haven’t really been zombie tired apart from a couple of times during the really early days. I think I was bored too because I had the Caesar, so I was a bit restricted as to stuff I could do even around the house as well. And I was kind of physically tired but mentally alert. I also have a miniscule boredom threshold, which doesn’t really help.
I agree with Nak – it does get less boring – now I get lots of smiles and giggles and talking, it is more interesting. We have some great old chats!
I also have never been a big “baby person”. Much more happier around bubs when they can start engaging with you and playing – hence my starting to have more fun now. Also we’re both just better at stuff – feeds, sleeps, recognising what cry means what (some of the time, at least!). Also, the first bit was a whole lot of WTF is going on here???!
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It get better – I found a lot of it boring too. Now that my daughter is 7 months old she’s a lot more fun. I think the turning point for me was about 4 months.
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Mia, I loved this article. I often do worry about the fact we are constantly connected. I have always loved running and what I used to love about running was that it was uninterrupted thinking time-in the same way you say you get your column ideas when exercising, I used to come back from a run with unparalleled clarity about whatever issue had been swimming around in my head. Now though with i-pods even this running time has been overtaken. This is entirely my own fault as I now run with an i-pod listening to podcasts while I run as I love taking in information this way, except that it is someone else’s voice is now the dominant voice in my head while I run. Like you, I have never been prone to navel gazing and yet took up yoga a few months ago very reluctantly and now it is my new favourite thing-simply because it is the last bastion in my life of ‘quiet time’.
http://www.bridebody.com.au
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I was going to comment on this post, but I got bored halfway through reading the article…
(…it was a JOKE people!)
Nothing wrong with boredom so long as it leads to something creative…I think Mia is correct …we can end up filling up our lives with a lot of passive media consumption…that’s bad boredom if that’s all you do with your spare time…
Good boredom is when you fill up your life with creativity…writing, making music…whatever gives you fulfilment…
New media can be good and bad…you can fill up your life with watching youtube clips of people doing silly things…or you can use it to be creative, like making music with the Les Paul Google Doodle…
Anyway, that’s enough participation in new media…I’m off to make some new music…with real instruments…