FOR a year now, I’ve had a little quote pinned above my desk. Tell me, it says, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
On a particularly joyless day, I scribbled a response: “Make lunch boxes.”
But even doctored with my smarty-pants cynicism, that scrap of paper winks at my soul. Some days, I try for ‘wild’ by blasting The Buzzcocks through my office after dropping the kids at school. Other times, I aim for ‘precious’, tinkering with words in the hope they’ll flow from me to you as naturally as breath (they don’t).
Now, I’m not one for malcontent. Live well, love well, don’t leave a mess and “yes, please” to another piece of cake is generally my motto. But, recently I’ve felt disconnected, which is absurd because last year I received 13,506 emails, sent 432 tweets and became Facebook ‘friends’ with someone I kissed in 1989. I’m so connected that I go online the second I wake up. I’m linked in, favourited, retweeted, liked.
Tech torpor, nature deficit disorder, digital ADHD – call it what you like, it’s fracturing our lives. How many couples spend their evenings on separate devices? How many babies looking up from their prams see their parents’ faces masked by an iPhone? New research shows Australians are less inclined to embrace adventure and try new things, with 80 per cent blaming technology and social networking for their inertia. Add to that the 130 million days of stockpiled annual leave and you get the sense there are a lot of people visiting life rather than living it.
So, this year, I’m going trekking in Nepal. It’s a long-held dream, conjured before children and mortgage and responsibility, and put on hold for more than a decade. I signed up before they told me it would be so cold at night I’d have to pee in a zip-lock bag, and before reading that altitude can affect co-ordination (I’m challenged at sea level).
Sue Badyari, of World Expeditions, tells me to expect to be transformed, to “emerge from the wilderness renewed”, but for now the most exciting thing has been drawing blue lines through our family diary. When you hold the minutiae of four lives in your head, there’s something utterly freeing about scrawling ‘AWAY’ through most of the month.
One of the women I’m going with has nominated this her gap year. It took her a long time not to think it was selfish, but with her first child now through the HSC and three more to follow, she’s taking a moment to enrich herself. Another co-trekker is 18. For her, Nepal is like a line break; a meaningful pause between the paragraphs of adolescence and adulthood.
For me, the appeal is as much nature as nurture. My screensaver is an inky blue mountain iced with snow, wild and precious. It’s time I did more than just look at it.
This article was originally published here and had been republished with full permission.
Angela Mollard is a Sydney-based journalist who began her career at the New Zealand Herald before moving to London where she worked for the Daily Mail. For the past few years she has combined motherhood with writing for magazines both in Australia and the UK. You can follow her on Twitter here.
Is digital technology stopping your from living in the moment?







Comments
52 Comments so far
Spend as many precious moments as possible with my Dad who was recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s.
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I plan to walk the Kokoda track, take my son to disneyland , get as strong as i can doing power yoga, try every anti ageing gimmick there is, learn to play the bag pipes, try hard to be a nicer non judgemental person, walk the dog every day, make more time to be with friends, treat my partner better, make better choices when buying clothes and hope thinking about doing all these things keeps my mind off getting old and dying..
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I’m sorry but I find “…tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life” a bit of silly navel-gazing clap-trap. It’s lovely to dream about dropping everything to swim with dolphins in Tahiti if you’re rich and satisfied… but anxiety-provoking if you’re not.
I’ve lots of things I’d like to do but all of them cost money, and right now I’m paying off a mortgage and raising a young family. That’s what I’m doing with my wild and precious life at the moment; and it’s satisfying in its own way, but slightly more prosaic than writing my dream novel or learning to tango. Hopefully some day it will be my turn but until then, I choose not to bash myself about with Eat Pray Love-type wonderings.
I love your work though Angela…. and hope you enjoy Nepal! I know you’ve done your time raising kids and you deserve it.
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I feel disconnected this year. Just turned 35, have a wonderful husband, enjoy my career, love my family, friends and dogs. But i just can’t work out what the point of any of this is. What is the meaning of life?
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The Meaning of Life is to find your meaning of life. That’s why we are all here. Some never bother, but some work on it to find what it is and it’s well worth the effort.
Doesn’t have to be huge like finding a cure for cancer, it can be volunteering with the elderly or working with animals or more specific.
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Ah
I have this as my desktop background! It’s a painting by Katie Daisy.
Gives me a nice little reminder of what’s important everyday when I turn on my computer.
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My daughter and I watched Eat Pray Love yesterday. I thought it was a really bad movie. I enjoyed the book though and generally think that there is a lot to be said for stopping to smell the roses.
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Such an interesting article. I have been trying to live my own “slow” life for the past year but must admit that I’m still a Fast Media Addict. I am addicted to news, entertainment, gossip. I am so guilty of skipping tracks on my iTunes, having 20 tabs open on my web brower, downloading shows on torrents the second they’re put online, reading multiple books, watching multiple news bulletins, etc, etc. I’ve even found myself reaching for my iPhone at my 4am toilet break to catch up on all the news headlines since I went to bed at 11pm. Total junkie behaviour!!! Sadly, I don’t think I’m ever going to change. I enjoy it too much. I’m just glad that technology has caught up to the speed that I like my information.
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I think all these notions of “me time”, “nourishing my soul” and “going to Nepal to find myself” are a whole pile of horrid self-entitled self-indulgence by bored, pampered affluent western women with way too much time on their hands.
Hello Eat, Love, Pray.
The thought that you need to take a mid life “gap year” to go on a spiritual journey of self discovery is just a wank. If you’ve already got a meaningful life you’ll have your hands full getting through each day. What more purpose do you need? What’s there to discover? Exactly what “transformation” are you after? Just being is enough, that’s a good as it gets.
Sheesh. Who was it who said that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans?
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Wow. Your comment is really negative.
Sounds like you need a little “me time!”
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I see your point, Counterpoint and do agree that navel-gazing isn’t for everyone. But some people really do need a physical break from their everyday situation to break habits or explore their own thoughts. I really do admire people who want to continue to evolve and analyse their life for meaning. The problem for me is when everyone embarking on this style of personal odyssey feels the need to mimic Liz Gilbert and document it in their own “Eat, Pray, Love” book or blog.
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And it’s cashed up women who can afford to do it. There was someone who lived in Bali who posted here, and said they could pick the “Eat Pray Love” women a mile off.
How are they “finding themselves” when they’re following a lame book?
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Maybe the book is just the inspiration…..
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I suppose for some ‘existing’ and ‘living’ are definitely two different concepts, and sometimes, getting stuck in a hum-drum, mundane life lacking flavour and substance does warrant a bit of ‘me time’. I think it’s particularly true for women, who are always encouraged into the whole ‘keep quiet and soldier on for the family/deal with everyone’s problems, deal with yours last/Surely you’re over-reacting, surely the situation is not THAT bad…’. I’ve seen many amazing women lose sight of their true identity over time, and then wake up one day and honestly wonder what happened to their dreams/goals/places they wanted to see/experiences they never had.
I’m all for however people choose to find themselves, and don’t think it’s fair to insult them if they have the money and lifestyle that allows them to get away for awhile? In fact, maybe ‘finding’ oneself is the wrong word… They have themselves, it’s really just a yearning to improve, to progress as a person- to become better, more educated, worldly, cultured, intelligent, compassionate, enriched… Broaden their horizons, experience what ELSE this short life has to offer.
It’s not about always about being ‘lost’ on the journey, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting a more interesting route.
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Well said
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Counterpoint, I will remind you of our ‘dinner party’ rules. I think your opinion is interesting but we would prefer it if you expressed it in a less abrasive manner.
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Good for you Angela! I hope you have a wondeful time.
I do feel like digital technology has a big impact on my family life.My two teenagers are constantly drawn to their screens. We just went away for a long weekend and it was a lot of fun to have family trips to the beach, and even play board games together.
I won’t be going to Nepal any time soon but i am determined to make sure I have technology free time with the people I love.
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Angela I love this quote you have pinned above your desk – I plan to adopt this when I get to my desk tomorrow.
Happy and safe travels to Nepal. Enjoy – you deserve it!
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Forgot to ask – do you know who the quote is from? Or is it your own words? Thanks!
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Hi Jo,
It’s from a poem by Mary Oliver. Google her and read a poem called The Journey. Sublime.
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The exact quote is from Mary Oliver’s poem The Summer Day. Thanks for reminding me about her Angela.
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I love Mary Oliver poetry! You’ve inspired me to dig out one of my Mary Oliver books of poems and have a re-read. xxxx
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Thanks Angela and Raraluna – will google right now. Just saw the image above too with this quote on a gorgeous illustration.
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I have a pile of books on my bedside table which I am dying to read but NO, I default to my iPad for tweets, YouTube etc.
One of my new years resolutions was to wein myself away from Facebook. It has worked so far, I feel good and I don’t really miss it. A bonus is I no longer feel depressed reading other people’s status updates about their glamourous weekends when all I did was veg on the couch.
Disconnecting is the way of the future!!
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You are my hero…I trekked the Inca Trail and that was tough even though I did it glamping style, with men carrying my bags, setting up my tents and practically feeding me with a spoon. Still I cried at the end and swore I would never ever do it again…however looking back I was so glad I did it, it challenged me, made me appreciate all I have and doing it with my hubby strengthened our bond. Good luck, train hard and I’ll be thinking of you all the way!! EM xox
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Ohhhh, I am in full agreement here! I recently deactivated from Facebook for a brief period, just to realign my digital senses, and see how many of my ‘friends’ would bother with me (and vice versa) sans the ‘ease’ of walls. On the other hand, I left so I could sorta return to all the things I loved doing but had lost motivation for because Facebook seemed to have become my default boredom buster.
Temporarily leaving it made me question the whole ‘ease’ factor. I swear, Facebook politics is real… The double meaning of an emoticon, the suspicious liking of an unexpected like… Secretive statuses… People being online and responding to to others’ posts but not yours… Or rather, these were all signs that I was devoting too much thought and energy to something from which I gained, well, nada. As a girl who is all about self-improvement, this was probably the tipping point.
Took the break, and now I’m back, with the habit curtailed and I have since bought two books, returned to my piano, my illustration and my own writing. I started socialising with my family more, too.
I’ve also given up internet browsing while watching TV. I multi-task enough, relaxation shouldn’t require the same!
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I deactivated too and then I came back but then I properly, properly deleted my account last July. Initially the hardest thing to deal with was missing the notifications and not hearing what others were up to. I feared that I would lose a lot of friends but my actual friends never left me and my “Crackbook friends” – well, I’d pretty much suspected that we were vague acquaintances and don’t regret that we’ve lost touch but that was always expected. I guess prior to the 2000s, life and circumstance distance some of us and there is that natural ebb and flow whereas nowadays, people are always within cyber distance and are just a mere click away. I’ll admit that there were only two people I really missed and thought would keep in touch but that’s life. There’s less distracting me and no more white noise and I definitely don’t miss the whole “Why’ve they commented on their post/video/comment but not mine?” Not a nice feeling. Having said that though, I know of folks who do use it in moderation or live abroad so it is their only means of keeping up to date with rellies and friends. I’m glad that you had that break, seems to have really focused you! Sometimes you need to switch off to switch on.
I don’t know why though, but that ease thing that you mention really gets on my nerves. I think it was an episode of ‘Modern Family’ where the boyfriend of one of the girls was waiting outside and texted her that he was there but as luck would have it, the Mum happened to be at the door and saw him and opened the door and questioned him on why he was standing there…Instead of knocking, he texted to say that he was there. Made me think of people who text to say that they’re waiting outside in the car. Knock on the door already, come inside and be sociable for a couple of minutes…don’t send a message on whatsapp. or text me to run outside. Maybe I’m sensitive cause (out of the five love languages) my love languages are quality time and touch but I don’t know, I find calling someone or meeting up with them easy because that’s who I am and who a handful of my friends are so maybe it’s not “ease” that gets my goat but more laziness (but if I start banging on about rudeness and last minute cancellations via text…I’ll end up ranting more than I already have) but when does ease turn into laziness or rudeness? Can be a slippery slope depending on how and when it’s done.
Earlier this month I had a real love/hate relationship with my phone and went right off texting and left my phone at home when I went away on holidays…Enjoyed it but it also made me appreciate that texting (in emergencies or to confirm details) can be a good thing but now if I know something is going on with a friend or I’ve been a little M.I.A I’ll phone or meet them in person, not send something generic.
I’ve never posted a link before but here’s a bit about the whole jumping the Crackbook ship thing: http://plentyofapples.blogspot.com/2011/07/brave-new-world.html
Angela, you’re right about all of us being connected and having easy access to one another. I think, well actually, it’s more of a feeling…I feel that it’s more a case of too many options have left us feeling a bit hungover. It’s a bit like when you’re a kid and going to the Royal Show and spending all of your pocket money on lollies and just wolfing the whole lot. Just because it’s available, doesn’t mean we have to sample it all. Blogs like Mama Mia, texting, a couple of news sites, Skype and email are my cup of tea. Combine them with games nights at one particular friend’s house, seeing a flick with a friend (or on my own), popping into mates houses or them popping into mine have helped me find that balance. I’d go mad without that quality interaction. Speaking of Nepal…(rotten seagueway) a few weeks ago I just up and decided to go to my first ever concert…In Paris! The artist never tours my city and for whatever reason, flying to Europe made sense and even though it’ll be my first time on the Continent, I’m focusing on three countries only (hate being a tourist, I’m a traveller and want to absorb as much as I can) and will get to improve my French, visit my best mate in Germany who I’ve not seen in six years, hide away in County Cork for a bit and turn 29 in Paris (my first birthday overseas AND without my twin who’ll be in Oz) And you know what? I think it’s the sanest decision I’ve ever made!
Sorry the Sage Stylista and Angela for such a long post. It ran away from me!
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Aww, don’t apologise for the long post, Lovena! I love when people care enough to respond so thoughtfully (and kindly, without a hint of rudeness.. Reminds me to maintain faith in humanity and people’s ability to have an opinion without lashings ignorance, haha!). Thank you, the break did really did allow me to relocate my focus. I have so many hobbies and things I love to do that fulfill me more than mindless scrolling and stalking. Actually, that was the tipping point… I never stalk, honestly I don’t- but one day I caught myself looking at the profile pics of a friend of a friend (whom I’ve never met). Yep. Straw? Meet Camel’s back!
I use the word ‘ease’ tenatively… I am still struggling with the definition and feeling I put behind that word in the context of Facebook. Personally, I find phone calls to be just as easy, and I know that it feels FAR more personal and wonderful to hear someone’s voice and know it’s solely directed towards you, but everyone’s way is different… It just seems that everyone’s way is automatically reverting to facebook now, which makes me think they would only do that if they somehow found it to be ‘easier’?
Don’t get me wrong- I’m not a Facebook hater… I do love it! I just didn’t like that it was somehow involuntarily becoming my stopover on my route out of Boredville. Definitely do love it for keeping in touch with overseas pals and for sharing links/music/images (my big thing).
Ahhh, phones. I’ve taken to turning my phone off at times, just for a few hours in a off-peak period (when I’m at home and people aren’t likely to have a pending need to contact me). It was unreal how joyous it felt to be so disconnected (ironically, when I turn it off is when I receive the most messages…). I occasionally turn my computer off at the wall, too. Especially before I sleep… I don’t know if it’s sad that I have an internal “Ahhhhh” moment when this happens, but I definitely enjoy doing it!
The worst was when I went to the beach with two friends, and the whole time- on the beach, in the hotel room, at the cafe… Phones out, Facebook logged in, jointly scrolling in a virtually synchronised manner. I know their INTENTION was not to deliberately be rude to me, but the sheer fact that their phones were on the table, essentially primed to buzz them with notifications, texts and calls, definitely made me feel like a small chunk of their attention wasn’t in my presence, in the physical present, at a beautiful beach.
I feel that having a phone out like that in a social situation DOES say ‘Some of my attention is segregated from the situation IN CASE something does pop up, in which case, I must check it out. And momentarily ignore you. Hence phone. On table.’ I chose not to say anything or continue to feel upset, but occasionally would do the whole “Come on guys! We’re at the beach, let’s put the phones away and enjoy!” or some variation that was hopefully less cheesy
Definitely not a fan of phones on the table. As you can tell.
I will definitely have a peek at your blog tomorrow, but for tonight I must tune out of the tech world and retreat to the comfort of my bed and books
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Since you’ve owned up, I shall too RE: straw and the camels back. When you actually realise what you’ve done and how easy it was, it kind of makes you shiver. Well it did me cause I just thought “Lovena! What the…are you doing?”
RE: phones – I think you may have unwittingly pinpointed why I went off a friend of mine.
You don’t know me and I don’t know you but I get the sense that you write like how you speak but that’s just me guessing whereas with my friends (the few truly, truly amazing beings I call my adoptive brothers/sisters) they know that it is all about quality time for me. Me spending time with them is my way of saying “I love you” so for this person to be banging away on their phone emailing people instead of being present and in the moment talking to me just turned me to ice where they’re concerned. How odd that what you wrote made me think of that! I’ll be honest, I’ve answered texts when I probably shouldn’t have, have been in Ministry meetings (of all places) texting the person next to me so we’re not caught out and it’s bizarre. Mankind eh, we’re such funny creatures.
Bed and books for the win! Or in my case the tennis and an icy-pole! G’night (or possibly morning depending on what coast you’re on).
Lovena
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Ahh, my attempted escape to bed was stifled by an upward shift in the comments and then feeling the need to respond to something else >_<
I scrolled back down and saw this, and I'm glad I did… I also read your blog post. I can definitely empathise with many of the things you vocalised, in particular the opinion of your friend, to some degree.
I suppose my text and speech style is similar, lol, to some extent… When things become a bit topical, I make sure I fine-tooth my words to avoid accidentally offending someone (if they are offended after that, I can't help it. I aim to always be respectful and kind, even when I disagree). It's funny though, when friends read my blog posts, they always say 'I could totally HEAR you saying this!', so it's interesting that someone who doesn't know me can sense this… I hope is a sign that my written voice is staying true to my personality
I agree. My spending time with someone means I'm there with them because I care enough to be around them. I too, have received texts or had to make calls in the presence of others, but I do my best (simply because it's my own philosophy) not to actually read them/respond right then (unless it's an emergency). I always excuse myself to make the call and generally it's to call my mother
Everyone can understand when I say I have to call my mum, right?
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Thanks for that, noticed a considerable spike in site activity
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this has hit the nail on the head for me. OMG.
I dont want to go to nepal, but I need to disconnect. One of the major problems with this however is a husband that is as bad if not worse than me who doesnt see anything wrong with it. I have tried in the past, trying to make ‘computer free’ days or banning laptops until kids are in bed or not having them in the lounge room but to no avail. I can feel the chasm between us and it is not getting any better with the technological wall between us
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You should check out some articles on the ‘Slow Media’ movement, think Slow Food Movement but it addresses how we consume media.
ie. playing whole vinyl records rather than jumping through ipod tracks.
disconnecting from facebook/ twitter and returning to just email.
etc etc.
It also addresses how journalism is conducted as a 24 news cycle and looks at the alternatives.
There’s a bit of literature on it if (ironically) you do a Google.
Is gaining momentum amongst Gen Y
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I’ve had a few serious fights with my partner in part due to technology. It’s so easy now to come across an inappropriate text or Facebook message. Or sometimes something isn’t inappropriate but it comes across differently online. You may read too much into a conversation your partner has and vice versa and it can lead to problems. I know that if there are real problems in a relationship they would probably come out without technology but I think that fights that dont need to happen can come about because of technology. I guess it was easier to cheat and lie before but I think a lot of unnecessary stress and heartache is added these days….and the sad thing is it is up to us to change that and connect in the real world not online!
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Fantastic article. It’s certainly true, and to some extent as a budding journalist I also find anxiety creeping up if I do take time offline to really connect. Because I’m not connecting in a work sense, in the way everyone else in media seems to be. It seems we cannot win, we can only try to be happy and to truly experience life while balancing that career, too …
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Yes. And I’m tired.
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Thank you, Angela, for this excellent and timely piece.
You are so right about technology eating our lives and stopping us from living in the moment and REALLY connecting. I’ve recently taken up gardening and it is marvellous; getting stuck in to the earth, being around other people and not looking at a phone or a screen makes me feel really good. You can’t not be present when planting something or pulling out a weed. Same goes with my one-on-one pilates class; I spend a whole hour concentrating on nothing but the movement I am currently doing and I leave transformed. I’d highly recommend either as an antidote to ‘not being in the moment’.
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So checking into Mamamia 37379676 times a day is excessive and I should get a life?
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Such a timely piece for me. This year I am heading overseas with my 73 year old Dad – for 5 weeks – without my husband and son. I feel incredibility guilty about the time and money I’m taking away from my immediate family to be with my Dad. But he’s not getting any younger and is widowed and loves to travel – but not on his own. We have always gotten on well and this feels like a last chance to step away from the world and spend some serious quality time together. It will also be a fantastic chance to jump off the roundabout of daily life and just be in the moment for a while. We are jokingly calling it “my long service leave” from managing our family’s daily life and my boys are so supportive of the trip. I’m sure the guilt will go away with the first glass of bubbles on the plane. Thank you for reminding me that other people also feel the need to take some time out and disconnect.
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What a wonderful experience you are both going to have. Don’t waste another second feeling guilty. One day it will be someone else in your family’s turn to have their own adventures while you stay home, and you will all be the richer for your experiences.
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Guilty, I have plans to take a trip with my dad next year! I too will be leaving husband and sons behind – but it’s only for a few weeks. Drink some bubbles for me, and I’ll return the favour next year!
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Please don’t ever feel guilty about the journeys you take with your family members. Remember you are a daughter as well as a wife & mother. Last year I said the final farewell to my darling Mum (91yrs) and in the last few years she depended on me for lots of things but the best times were the little outings like coffees at her favourite cafe overlooking a lake, and especially escorting her to visit her brother in country Victoria.
Towards the end there were many times when my teenage son & daughter had to step up while I spent endless hours at Dr’s rooms, hospitals, staying with her & helping out around her home, but we all learned an immense amount about caring for an aging parent & also about how we would like things to be as we get older.
The times you get to spend with your father will be the memories that stay with you – treasure them
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you probably won’t regret going, but could very well regret not going…
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What wonderful memories you two will create. Enjoy every moment. Your loving family will all be there on your return. Very best wishes to you.
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How beautiful. Enjoy.
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Thank you all for such lovely comments!
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My Uncle works as a nurse in an alcohol and drug detox centre. He says the thing most patients struggle with when admitted is giving up their mobile phones. Some, he tells me, decide they won’t admit themselves if it means going cyber-free as well as drug / booze free.
Telling, isn’t it?
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Great article. I totally get what you are saying and have experienced all the things you mention: distractedness, inability to concentrate, doing many things at once (but not all of them well).
The good news is that this problem really is of our own making, and thus within our control. All you have to do is unplug the devices, delete your facebook account and wean yourself off constantly checking your various email or twitter accounts. It works, surprising quickly.
If you want to take baby steps, next time you go away for the weekend, leave your mobile phone (and all other devices) at home. Once you get over the initial pangs, you won’t believe how much better you feel.
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A timely reminder to stay connected to loved ones through thick and thin. I just spoke to a dear friend who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. “There but for the grace of God go I ”
Thanks Angela for a great post.
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Angela, this is just the type of reminder I needed. It’s the perfect January post — a reminder to forget the superficial goals we tend to have for 2012 and focus instead on what’s important: connection. Human connection. Nourishing our souls.
Love it.
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Wow, I really loved this. Nearly every day after the office I go to the beach for a 20 minute walk. Even if I’m not swimming or whatever, I like the peacefulness, spending time with my dog and feeling the sand between my toes.
Not as a big as Nepal, but it gives me time with nature and with myself and I love it.
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LOVE. I’ve found reading a book helps. There’s something about the long haul of a novel that resets that digital tic we all have.
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