I’m three years into a relationship with a man I love deeply. Everything about us has been perfect from the get-go with the exception of one thing.
I earn considerably more money than him and have foolishly let this fact inform the choices I make about our finances.
Of this I want to be crystal clear: My salary is in no way an issue between us. It’s barely even mentioned. Tim is very supportive and proud of my aspirations and the fact that I have so far been relatively successful. We had just lived life differently up until the point we got together. While I buckled down, determined to get my business degree as quickly as possible, he spent the bulk of his twenties travelling Europe, meaning he graduated university almost four years after I did. He’s not in any way less driven than I am… he’s simply just at a different stage of his career.
So this is where we are at. Aged 28, I earn $25,000 more than Tim does annually. Because I am a Type A control freak, I also made the decision that I would control our household finances when we moved in together over a year ago. That was the single worst decision I’ve made in our relationship so far. That’s when the lies started.
If I could summarise my thinking at the time, it was, ‘I want to make sure he doesn’t feel a difference between us whatsoever’. I decided my healthier bank balance and fortnightly pay-check would mean I could shelter a lot of the bills, groceries and general expenses, and because it was all coming out of my bank account, I chose to “soften” the blow of what different things cost.
I told Tim our bills and internet cost much less than they actually do under the impression I was helping him in the long run. So now when he sends me money every week for different things it’s a decent chunk less than what it should be.
Top Comments
Lies in a relationship.... not a great idea... you need to be very honest very quickly
If you live together then he should totally know how much his monthly internet bill is. And his food shopping. Quite frankly it's strange that an adult in 2017 doesn't know this stuff!
He does 'know', she told him. No reason for him to think she's lying.
You'd be surprised. There would be plenty of people out there that rely on their partner to pay for things and happily just fork over whatever dollar amount is told to them so that they don't have the hassle of doing the chore themselves.
I guess he wouldn't know, if he doesn't notice prices in shops, advertised costs for services on the TV, internet and in press... i.e. if he's been living under a rock, or literally blindfolded his whole life...
What I'm saying is that an adult really should have a realistic idea as to how much things cost, even if they are not the one balancing the books at home. If this woman has been getting him to pay only a token amount, I really wonder about how cluey this guy is...!