By JO HARTLEY
I am writing to you as I have waited for as long as possible but, now feel, that the time has come for us to have words. I have noticed of late that you are truly starting to show your age.
While I am trying my hardest to maintain and keep you in working order (and admittedly reverse some of the damage and pressure I have put on your over the years), it would appear that you don’t always want to abide by the same rules and often chose to defy me by doing the opposite of that which I want you to do.
Legs, take the other day for example when I wanted you quite simply to run up a couple of hills without stopping. Could you do that for me? No! All those years that you merrily danced away on table tops and busted your moves on dance floors for hours on end without even thinking about it now certainly seem to be memories of a distant past. Memories that have since been replaced with aches and pains, not to mention a jelly like resistance to anything that may require you to have a little bit of strength and stamina for more than 30 seconds!
And, as for you lungs on that very same day… I swear you threw your little hands up, constricting and holding me back the minute that you saw the road started to climb, waving your little white flag in surrender.
I do understand your stubbornness however. I guess that is your way of payback for years of me filling you with smoke as opposed to fresh air isn’t it? And I would agree, why should you suddenly give back when I have taken so much from you?
Now, Bum I figured that out of everyone you would be one of the last to let me down (quite literally). Yet, I can’t help but notice that recently your uplifted self has been replaced with a more deflated persona and it’s certainly not one that I like to carry around with me.
I feel the weight of you pulling me down and your need for more space is somewhat upsetting. Is it not enough for you to see that everything else is failing and shifting position? In fact, have you seen what Stomach is doing of late?
Stomach is point blank refusing to shift from its overhang position on my pants and has taken it upon itself to commence a daily battle with the button on my jeans. Have I tried to explain that the ‘baby’ is now 2.5 YEARS old so the extra space is no longer needed? Sure, I have! Yet, still, stomach is adamant to hang around as an undesired optional extra.
And, as for you Boobs, I do admit that we have always had a bit of a turbulent relationship over the years, but trust me when I am running and jumping it is in the hope that you might start to slot back into your ‘old’ living quarters as opposed to the new ones you are currently inhabiting at my knees.
Please believe me when I say that I am doing it for the best for both of us and your repaying me with black eyes, pain and unattractive out of control jostling is only going to put more strain on an already tense bond.
Body, I know that I have placed you under pressure over the years and have taken, taken, taken, yet given very little. I have assumed that you would always be there, the consistent, reliable one, never letting it cross my mind that you might start to let me down or let yourself go. I thought you would always look good with no effort and little love on my part, yet I see now how I was wrong.
You are not invincible and you do need love and nurturing and, whilst it may not have come as soon as you would have liked and some things may well be beyond repair, this letter is to you in hoping that we can start to build a more mutual relationship going forward… However, please do note that I can’t commit to completely breaking up with chocolate just yet!
Jo Hartley is a blogging wannabe yummy Mummy who used to want it all, but now would happily compromise this for simply being able to finish a whole cup of tea and going to the toilet in peace! Check out her blog here.