It took me a while to understand what was happening.
His words had nothing to do with his tone. There would be this underlying current of negativity or blame, even when his words were saying “it’s fine, it’s okay”, “there’s not a problem” or (my favourite) “why are you getting upset?”
And, at first, I didn’t understand why I was getting so upset. If anyone else heard his words, or read his text messages, they’d call me crazy for feeling the way I did – there was nothing in them to complain about.
But that’s the point. There was nothing in them. Nothing real at least.
Instead of telling me straight up that he didn’t like something, or that he didn’t want to do something. He would tell me “it’s fine” and then fail to show up for a lunch date with friends we had arranged.
Or he would do the opposite behind my back.
Or be secretly brewing a storm of blame, irritation, anger, frustration in his head that I knew was there but couldn’t access past the “I’m not mad” denial, or the compliments-disguised-as-insults… Or those fucking simple smile emojis at the end of a friendly-though-threatening text message.
For example:
“It’s okay, I’m not mad, I just wasn’t expecting that from you. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you next week sometime. :)”
NO, IT’S NOT ALL GOOD. DON’T TELL ME MY BEHAVIOUR WAS “UNEXPECTED” AND THAT YOU’LL SEE ME NEXT WEEK… AND THEN SMILE AT ME !
Why don’t we have an actual conversation, that talks about actual feelings, that skips the BS and feels real? Like real adults?
Maybe we can do that when we see each other next week.
Top Comments
Maybe it's just me but I don't really see anything wrong that that text? Something happened, they were surprised by your reaction but it's not a big deal, they're over it and will see you next week with a smiley face to let you know it is OK? Maybe I'm just naïve but I wouldn't think much about it if I received a text like that?
Generally if someone is jut being passive aggressive I just carry on as if I'm not picking up on it. They want me to do something different they can damn well talk to me.
Agreed! Love it, it drives them crazy when you don't do what they're trying to manipulate you into!
It's all well and good when they are an acquaintance. However if it is your partner, it is not so easy.
Passive aggressive partners will often expect you to be a mind reader and when you don't do what they wanted the fines, whatevers, nothings will come out frequently when you try to address the issue.
I refuse to engage with people who do this! If I notice they're doing it (silent treatment, the huffs, the dramatically doing things etc etc etc) I will address it directly, if they continue the behaviour & refuse to discuss whatever issue there is then I won't engage. I will tell them my side & if they won't engage then that's that & the people who continue to do this I will cut off completely. I refuse to be manipulated because all it is saying is "my way is the only way & you should do exactly as I say or I withdraw my affection/love etc"