“He’s not an after thought, he’s my every f*cking thought.”
This is a dad in the UK, talking to his friends about his son, who they’ve failed to invite to any of their kids’ parties.
Why? Because Shane Stephenson’s six-year-old son Reilly has autism. He is “non verbal” and “super cute” according to the blog The Life of Reilly, which is run by Shane and his wife, Reilly’s mum, Christine.
Shane has had enough.
“My son Reilly has autism, not f*cking leprosy,” begins the text, which was shared to Twitter via Christine who said: “My husband’s message to his mates breaks my heart.”
The text reads:
"He is six years old and my so-called friends who have kids also have kids parties. Not ONE invite. Not f*cking one. Have you any idea how hurtful that is?"
Shane's friends might not, but much of the internet does. The tweet has been met with huge support from other parents who've experienced the same thing.
Not only is there understanding, Reilly has also been inundated with invitations.
No one really gets it unless your in it. But I’ve learnt to let go of those “friends”. It’s quite liberating. But doesn’t take away the pain
— Eliza Mishcon (@elizamishcon) November 4, 2017
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It is up to the parents of a child who is on the spectrum to educate other parents on their child's condition. Unfortunately people who have no or limited experience with children with autism would have no idea how autism affects your child's life and if they can even tolerate a party. My 10 year old nephew is high functioning, however he must have routine and he gets frustrated when the unexpected happens. He also cannot handle a lot of activity and loud noise and he sometime has violent rages. So he would be fine a time a sleepover for a few kids but not so much at big parties. The father in this article doesn't actually specify how Autism affects his son. The fact he is non verbal means he probably isn't high functioning. How would he go at a loud bust kids party? Rather than getting angry at everyone's maybe take a proactive approach and have a discussion with parents. People are afraid of the unknown.
I kind of agree and disagree at the same time.
The problem is that the friends first move was to decide to 'exclude' Reilly (and therefore his parents), rather than include him and let Reilly's parents decide and educate about whether he's up for attending or not.
If he can't tolerate a party, they can politely decline with an explanation, and maybe include an example of what he could attend and tolerate for future reference.
It's tough enough with a complex care or high needs child, and can be isolating (which then leads to becoming all-consumed in the medical/special needs world).
These parents shouldn't lose friends by default then have to go begging with lessons for their former friends.
The "friends" should keep being friends and not back off contact and support. And if they are unsure of the unknown, simply be upfront and have a conversation about the way forward.
When you write articles like this, why don't you ever interview people who actually have autism? Autism isn't just a children's disability. The world is full of autistic adults, many of whom have kids of their own and they deserve to have their voices heard.
This is a great idea. I would love to see some articles like this instead of the same old Bec Judd/Roxy articles which I don’t bother to read.