Dear Christmas Cracker Crown,
In two days you will sit atop the boozy heads of Aussies across the nation.
You will be fought over, you will be broken accidentally and you will be shoved onto countless unwilling pets.
And yet, you are without a doubt, the best part of every lunch. You make the most regal of family members look silly and you bring us together in ways the booze can’t.
But where did you come from, Christmas Crown (can I call you, CC?) I didn’t swipe right to you and yet there you are, sitting between mum and I.
Wikipedia tells me the first Christmas crackers, or ‘Bon Bons’, were invented by a man named Tom Smith in London around 1840. His son, presumably a brilliant man, later decided to fill these festive fun bags with paper hats (that’s you, babe) and various gifts.
One day, somebody who hated you, placed you in the same cardboard container as these shite one-liners passed off as “jokes”.
I don’t blame you, CC, it’s not your fault. If anything, isn’t being forced to sit in a confined space with somebody you don’t like half the fun of Christmas?
(Shout out to Uncle Reg.)
We made a video, CC, we made a video with all the worst Christmas puns imaginable. Watch it at the top of this page and use those puns as a way to fight back against the cracker jokes.
Fight fire with fire. Listen to the joke about where penguins live and then say, “oh wow, that Christmas joke, SLEIGHED me.”
It didn’t, CC, it was awful.