Carrie Fisher and mother Debbie Reynolds had a complicated relationship, and for those of us who are mothers and/or daughters, we get it. The mother-daughter dynamic is naturally complex.
You start off adoring each other. In each other’s eyes, you can do no wrong. Then, as that beautiful little child whose world used to revolve around you enters her teenage years and attempts to form her own identity, she’ll inevitably take a step away from you.
Sometimes that step is more of a tip-toe, a gentle side-step aimed at gaining the space to do her own thing without hurting your feelings, like what I did with my mum. The other extreme is the stomping of feet as your daughter removes you from her life, sometimes for no reason except that she just wants to “find herself”. Don’t worry, once they snap out of that teenage funk they’ll drift back and then, like Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds and myself and my beautiful mum, you’ll become best friends and will be inseparable until the day you die.
Carrie Fisher and mum Debbie Reynolds sing together on Oprah in 2011.
For Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher, their relationship was always going to be more complicated than most, owing to Reynolds’ fame and then Fisher’s entry into the spotlight. While most famous for her role of Princes Leia in Star Wars, Fisher got her start in showbiz through her mother, starring alongside her in Broadway musical Irene in 1973 when she was just 17.
Top Comments
I so envy these intense, loving mother-daughter relationships. But my relationship with my own mother is fraught due to her personality disorder and violent streak (actually attacking one of my toddlers weeks before Christmas). I just hope that despite not having been set any sort of example by my own mother that I can have a close, loving relationship with my own daughters. I would love to hear any advice from other mothers.
I am estranged from my mother due to her being extremely narcissistic. It was a very toxic relationship and one I didn't want to continue when I had children. I now have three children, two daughters and a son. I made a decision to parent differently from my mother. If you 'consciously parent' your children you can change things for the next generation. Much of our parenting is often just as we were parented because that's what we have lived. You need to make the decision to do things differently and constantly reassess if you are doing as you planned. Whenever I do something as a parent without thinking and I remind myself of my mother, I make a conscious change. That said, my childhood was not all bad so there are things I have held onto. I think every generation of parents tries to improve on what came before and because you are aware of what you experienced not being ideal you will make different choices for your own mothering. Good luck!