Big Brother. Not different.

by NATH VALVO

It’s baaaaaaaaack.  Like a case of herpes, another season of Big Brother has popped up before our eyes!

Channel Nine’s revamp of the show is bigger, brighter and louder than ever (and that’s just Sonia Kruger’s pants). Big Brother fans like me are cracking brain boners over the return of the diary room, nomination nights, surprise evictions and watching someone wash dishes live on Up Late. DISH WASHING LIVE ON TELEVISION. HELLS TO THE YES.

I have watched all previous eight seasons of Big Brother, including the last season on Channel 10, which was hosted by Kyle and Jackie O and was well and truly awful. So awful in fact, that I don’t even think Kylie and Jackie O themselves watched it.

Hey look a blue car!!! Let’s move on. We’re living in the now. So let’s talk about last night.

Are you already in love or do you hate the new housemates?

There’s no need for names here, I’m sure I can sum them all up for you. We’ll have the bogan one, the flirty one, the hot one, the dumb one, the nice one, the smart one, the one who’ll end up on the cover of Zoo Weekly and the one you didn’t even know was in the house who will end up winning.

But as another season of Big Brother is upon us, we must also prepare for another outbreak of BBVD, more commonly known as Big Brother Viewer Denial.

BBVD affects tens of thousands of Australians and currently there is no known cure.

The usual symptoms of BBVD can be found in conversation with the sufferer. When asked if they watch Big Brother – the response is usually along the lines of:

“Why would I watch that crap?”

“No I do not, I have a life!”

“Is that hotdogs guy still on it?”

If you were to call every person you know (good luck getting connected if you’re with Vodafone) and ask them if they watch Big Brother, many of them will respond with something similar to the examples above.

But the fact is that people must be lying when they deny watching this show because according to OzTam ratings, around 1.6 million people tuned in to Monday night’s premier episode.

To put that in context: Tens new Everybody Dance Now debuted with 598,000. Poor Kelly Rowland, she spends her career standing next to Beyonce NOW THIS. Hey Kelly Rowland, if you’re reading this, my local Video Ezy is looking for casual staff right now and they’re a great bunch of people.

Where was I? OH right yes … Why are people embarrassed to admit they watch Big Brother? It’s entertainment at it’s best and the past seasons have given us endless laughs and unforgettable Hallmark moments.

Who could forget Sarah Maries infamous bum dance from season 1?

Jess and Marty fell in love in front of 35 camera’s and got married. (They are now divorced. oO well.)

Who could forget the time that annoying hippy Merlin taped over his mouth and held a sign saying “Free The Refugees”?

Still amazing to watch. WATCH:

Who could forget the turkey slap? The television incident that caused such a storm that Prime Minister John Howard asked Channel 10 to pull the show off air!

What about the time we all fell in love with Reggie – the fish and chip owner from Tassie who ended up taking out the major prize?

And what about the time Gretel Killeen fell arse over tit on live television walking through the big brother house?

Who could forget THIS fight?

How great was it when Bree was wrongly evicted out of the house and put back in (Bree finished as runner up of the season… she lost to… umm… what his name?)

How about the time that blonde guy washed his balls in the sink?

What about the time they kept swapping the identical twins in the house?

Do you remember how brilliantly Gretel Killeen handled the “live black out” ?

Like it or not, Big Brother has delivered some very memorable Australian TV moments.

I don’t know if this new season will deliver any but I’ll be watching just in case.

To you I say this: Get over your BBVD and bring it on.

Oh and one last thing … Need I remind you that we have Big Brother to thank for delivering us Chrissie Swan? Nuff said.

Rant over.

Nath Valvo is a comedian based in Melbourne. He can be heard on the Nova FM network and will one day host his own talk show. You can follow him on twitter here.

Are you watching Big Brother? What other television shows are you loving right now?