sex

Experts are telling us to masturbate at work and we're totally not coping.

No, masturbating won’t make you blind. Nor will it make you grow hair on your palms.

It could, however, be the key to a productive work day.

Following a reported trend toward a cheeky mid-shift self-pleasuring session, UK outlet Metro spoke to a number of psychologists to determine whether it’s actually beneficial.

Good news. The answer is yes. Yes. YES. YES! (sorry)

They cited two main reasons:
1. stress relief;
2. orgasms are an excellent motivational reward. ie. kind of like patting yourself on the… um, back. You know, for a job well done.

One of those sagely shrinks is psychologist and life coach Dr Cliff Arnall, who said masturbation could go a long way to improving job satisfaction.

“I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling,” he told Metro. “Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.”

There are potential downsides, of course, namely the chance that it could blur the lines between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.

Dr Arnall therefore recommends that you only take a masturbation break if it’s motivated by the need for stress relief – never by lust. And ensure that you’re quiet and discreetly tucked away in a bathroom stall, and never risk making colleagues uncomfortable.