sex

Am I too fat to date?

I recently had an experience of the superficial world of online dating. I had thought to myself that maybe I might find Mr Right this way – I am a bit over the pub scene. I gained a little hope when many a profile read “no games please” or “don’t bother if you’re a player” (yes apparently we girls can be players also).

Mark had a very well written profile and I was impressed with his ability to say what he wanted without coming off desperate. I could tell he was into his fitness. Big Time. This was one fit dude – I had seen the photos. Now I don’t consider myself a couch potato – I work out and play netball once a week, but I don’t put myself in the fitness freak category. Just the “I don’t want my bum to look big in my jeans” category.

We spoke every day, and when we weren’t talking my phone constantly beeped with a text message. Reading this now it may seem a bit much, but it was really lovely to get to know someone so well before our first date. Date night rocked around after a few weeks – I had to admit I was starting to like this guy and had a feeling that maybe this would be something I would pursue. It seemed he felt the same – I had a lovely text the day before we met saying how he is in such a happy place and he hadn’t even met me yet, and he had a really positive feeling about me. Winning.

Long date short – we had a great time and during speaking the next day he casually asked what I was up to, I mentioned I was just about to go do a workout. He thought that was a good idea. Ummm what? To cut down the length of this story, the crux of it is this – during the course of conversation Mark mentioned that he noticed that I am “strong” but not at my natural weight. Here was a guy that I actually liked, who not only noticed the one thing I was most insecure about, but commented on it – and then never spoke to me again. So I arrived at my conclusion – he thinks I am too fat to date.

I am just shy of six feet tall and a size 12 – I don’t think that’s too bad at all. From what appears in the media – seems to be pretty much average for an Australian woman. I have never been skinny – even as a kid. I’m curvy, but I’m healthy and I’m fit. I am proud of how I look (that’s not being vain, that’s accepting that at 30 it’s time to start loving my body). I play sport without puffing five minutes in so I’m doing okay.

So you can imagine how cut I was that I was deemed too fat for this man. I felt horribly insecure about my appearance and whined about it for a week to my girlfriend. I think she got jack of my bitching because she pretty well shook me and said “Woman, what the hell!! How dare you let a man determine your self-worth? Especially a dickhead!”

I know she is right. But I was so frustrated. Mark hates being judged on his appearance – all brawn no brains. He is quick to point out that he is well educated, well-spoken and intelligent but detests being judged by his muscular physique. And yet here he was, judging me on my appearance. Once I got over my little sad – sack routine, I was livid. When did it become okay to comment on someone’s weight and use it as a reason not to date them? I mean seriously, I am all for honesty, but I think we could of pulled out an old reliable “Its not you its me” for this one.

And then I got angry at myself. Angry that I had let someone so judgemental alter my perception of myself. That I let some fool make me think I shouldn’t go out the following Saturday night because I couldn’t possibly own an article of clothing that didn’t make me look fat. When did I become the girl that let a man’s opinion make me feel so bad?

Incidentally, I did go out Saturday night – and I looked fabulous. I felt confident and I had a great time. Oh, and two men asked for my phone number ;)

Jacqui is mother to a gorgeous seven year old boy, a dater, wannabe world – traveller, blogger (and full time worker). She gets equal pleasure from sharing a bag of sour worms with her son as she does getting dressed up for a night out or flying to a new destination. You can follow her blog here at www.yummymummydatingguide.com
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