By REBECCA SPARROW
I don’t know who Felix Clay is but I’m a little, tiny bit afraid of him whilst simultaneously desperate for him to come to my next dinner party so he can dazzle and terrify my guests.
This week Felix detailed a list of the 5 ways all adults (yes, that means you) succumb to peer-pressure. As he points out, peer-pressure doesn’t end with high school. Nu-uh. It KEEPS GOING loooong into adulthood. How else do you explain why I owned culotts in the 90s? Exactly.
Sure at times Felix writes like Joan Rivers talks but his list was rather hilarious. Take a look …
1. Shaving your pubes
According to study after study, women especially but to a great degree men as well feel a curious, unspoken social pressure to shave their junk. As far as I know there isn’t really a faction of pube haters out there going by some cool gang name like the Smoothies or the Crotch Watch trying to convince the world that pubes cause cancer …
2. Laughing at something that isn’t actually funny
In terms of comedy, you can see it at work every day on TV. Laugh tracks in shows are there to let you know when to laugh. There’s really no other reason. If something is funny, you’d probably know it on your own, right? But thanks to helpful laugh tracks, you’re cued every time something is supposed to be funny in an effort to convince you that According to Jim is actually hilarious and not the sitcom equivalent of an anal speculum.
3. Hating pop culture
People really like hating things that are popular to hate. Like Nickelback. Nickelback could be the best band in the world right now and I’d have no idea because I hate Nickelback.
4. Liking pop culture
Nothing is more hinged upon fads and social pressure than pop culture. Magazines, TV shows, and websites make a living telling you what is awesome and trying to convince you who is cool.
Remember when Lana Del Rey was on SNL? Had you even heard of her before then? Of course not. She also sucked miserably, but probably half of you know her name now because she was put in a spotlight and people pretended she was cool.
5. Congratulating people on having a baby
If someone at your workplace or in your group of friends announces in front of you that they’re having a baby, you’re going to have that moment when congratulations are delivered.
Some are probably very sincere — maybe you really think the fact that they humped successfully is cool, I’m not judging. I’m just suggesting that, for most people, this congratulatory expression is the result of being made to feel like you need to, rather than any real sentiment.
You can read Felix’s full post here.
As for me, well I can’t help but feel that Monsieur Felix missed a few things. I don’t know about you but as an adult, I continue to feel peer-pressure over the following …
6. Banging on about how awesome Girls is.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it IS awesome. And Lena Dunham is clearly fab. Well, I gather she is. I wouldn’t know. Apparently I’m the only person on Planet Earth who has yet to watch an episode of Girls. And this is not because I ‘don’t watch TV’ … I do.
I watch TOO much TV and so am struggling to find the time to watch Girls in between my addiction to The Block (go Amity!) and Downton Abbey and Offspring is coming back soon so, you know, the cast from Girls can take a number and get in line.
7. Pretending to understand Dr Keith Suter when he explains foreign policy and events on morning television.
I love Dr Keith but the moment he starts talking about democracies and theocracies – I’m out. But that doesn’t stop me from quoting him in conversations to make myself look smarter … because I am a tool.
8. Agreeing to go for an early morning walk with your best friend on your girls’ weekend away at the beach.
Newsflash: The thought of dragging my arse out of bed to go for an early morning walk is as appealing to me as poking hot sticks into my eyeballs. I get up at 5.30 every morning to wrangle small children. I’m on holidays. I don’t want to go for a walk in the morning before breakfast. I want to sleep. Or mooch around in my pyjamas and eat huge bowls of Nutragrain and watch the teev (Shut up. This is my holiday). You with your lycra bike shorts and your kale – GO AWAY.
9. Denying your love for a sneaky Cheesy
Oh come on! Yes fast food is bad for you and tastes disgusting and blah blah blah blah. Are you still talking? I tuned out. Every so often I duck into a drive-thru and grab a sneaky Cheesy. And so does Kate Hunter*. We confessed this to each other last week. So there.
*If I’m going down, I’m dragging Kate Hunter with me.
So what did I miss? What peer pressure do you feel as a fully-fledged grown up? When was the last time you had a sneaky Cheesy?