A pop song about emotional abuse. Listen.

It’s not a new song but when Orianthi’s single “According to you” came on the radio yesterday, I realised it was actually a pop song about emotional abuse. Perhaps other song have been written on the subject in the past – I’m sure they have – but it’s worth tuning into the lyrics properly next time you hear it.

You’ve probably heard the song already but here is a reminder:

And here are some of the lyrics….

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right.
According to you
I’m difficult,
Hard to please,
Forever changing my mind.
I’m a mess in a dress,
Can’t show up on time,
Even if it would save my life.
According to you
According to you

But according to him
I’m beautiful,
He can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
Everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
So baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
According to you.

According to you
I’m boring,
I’m moody,
You can’t take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I’m the girl with the worst attention span;
You’re the boy who puts up with it.
According to you


If you’ve ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship (my hand is up – I wrote about it in detail in my book), this song will resonate. When you’re with someone abusive, it’s easy to mistake volatility for passion, control for caring. It’s not. It’s abuse and it usually starts insidiously with name calling or even more subtle forms of putting you down.


I guess my message to any woman who is with a man who tells her she’s stupid or useless or slutty or hopeless…..get out. It’s not about you, it’s about him. Emotionally abusive men – even if they don’t consciously realise what they’re doing – relentlessly chip away at your self image and self-esteem until you doubt yourself and then eventually believe them.

Emotionally abusive men don’t tend to change, either. Have you ever been in this kind of relationship or are you in one now? How did you break free?



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