By BERN MORLEY
Hear this ladies!
Apparently all that stands between you and your fairy tale wedding are 300 sandwiches!
Meet Stephanie Smith.
Stephanie is currently midway through making her boyfriend 300 consecutive sandwiches so that he will, upon completion of the “Mission”, propose to her. She’s even been quoted by the New York Post as saying “Maybe I needed to show him I could cook to prove that I am wife material.”
No, no you haven’t just woken up in 1958 but this story surely belongs there.
This week, the story of Stephanie Smith and her website, 300 Sandwiches, has gained worldwide attention and gone absolutely ballistic, not only in the blogosphere but across the entire western world.
For all the wrong reasons.
Stephanie says that “One day, I made E a sandwich. He got so excited, he ate the entire meal without coming up for air. Then he made the declaration, “honey, you’re three hundred sandwiches away from an engagement ring.”
All evidence to the contrary, Stephanie is a strong, beautiful, intelligent, financially independent and successful woman. So her pledge to make her boyfriend (who it possibly a contender for the world’s largest douche canoe) 300 sandwiches in order to basically win his commitment, is hard to fathom and understand.
If my boyfriend, now husband, had asked me to make him 300 consecutive sandwiches before he’d marry me, I would have told him that he had 300 consecutive seconds before I made him unable to have children.
To help you understand though, it might be easier if you read a few examples of Samantha’s entries.
Sandwich #156 (Time Management)
“This morning, E and I had a whole debate about time management and getting things done. “I just don’t have enough tiiiime,” I whined. E’s solution? “Cut some stuff out.”
Since I had a time management problem, I elected to make something quick and simple for E. Egg white scrambles worked fine. E went to CrossFit this morning, and approved of the healthy meal when he returned. I missed the gym, because, well, I have a time management problem. I also didn’t do the dishes before work, because, well, I have a time management problem.
Here’s a thought Stephanie, stop making him fucking sandwiches and you WILL have time. Oh, and I assume E has two working hands, perhaps HE can do the dishes from time to time.
Sandwich #103 (Tantrum Filled)
“Sometimes—such as yesterday— E thinks I make him look childish. After my recap of E refusing to eat store bought smoked salmon, in favor of the fresh, pastrami–flavored fish, E told me. “You portray me as a tantrum-having child””
Oh, maybe because someone who refuses to eat a sandwich that has been especially MADE for them IS behaving exactly like a 2 year old.
A rare thing happened this weekend: E and I got into a raging fight.
During the fight, I blurted out something along the lines of “I’m in the kitchen all the time making you sandwiches or learning how to make something new for a sandwich.”
Sounds like a lovely, idyllic situation you’ve got going there Samantha. That marriage proposal you are sacrificing your self-worth for will be totally worth it…
Sandwich #173 (I Can’t Do it All—And That’s Okay”)
“I can’t do it all in the morning. But I try.
In an ideal morning, I can get a workout in, make a sandwich, write about said sandwich, blow dry my hair and still have time for coffee with E. But most days, when work begins at 10 AM, not all of those things can happen. Then I feel like a failure for not doing it all (and I don’t even have kids—I can imagine moms must struggle with this every morning).
“Today I could handle the meal on my own no problem. Actually, with my eyes closed. E was quite impressed.”
Oh E was quite ‘impressed” was he? How lovely that he still got to do all those things he likes to do each morning whilst you had to forfeit yours.
This part, her closing argument if you will, made me rather quite sad for her.
“I will learn how to cook amazing food, we will learn more about each other, and hopefully my boyfriend will make good on his promise”
And if he doesn’t? Worse still, what if he does?
Who is at fault here though? Him or her? Or both? I say both. He obviously shouldn’t have said it, perhaps it was said in jest but surely if that were true it wouldn’t have gotten this far?
On the other hand, she’s her own woman, each to their own and all that. And maybe this is a gimmick, something she hopes will be picked up by some huge Movie Studio and made into some horrific rom-com starring Katherine Heigl and that cute guy from Spiderman.
Or maybe she’ll wake up one day, stop making sandwiches and realise her self-worth.
Would you make 300 sandwiches for a ring?